Well folks - it has been a while and you may have guessed I have been struggling with the dream. I have managed to put 5.7kg in 3 weeks and just can not believe it!
It would have been so very easy to give up, to allow those voices in my head that tell me “my hubby of 12 years loves me how I am, my life is extremely stressful, and I just can’t take anymore pressure right now, I am ok” to win and to again give up and run away with my tail between my legs!
But this time there was a tiny tiny kernel inside that said “don’t!” Don’t give up on yourself, don’t let the stress of your life, your insecurities and issues to defeat you, do not give up!!!!
So I gathered it up, dug out the big girl pants and struggled my way back into them - let me tell you they are mighty uncomfortable with that amount of weight gain, and I went back. I felt small, and stupid and a failure but I did not give up on myself.
I have an addiction, and it is just as powerful as smoking (or crack cocaine) it is bad food, comfort food, food that tells me to eat it and I will feel better, and I will feel safe, damn shame there are not patches and gum for it (hubby is giving up smoking at present) but I have weight watchers, the support of my leader, my meeting and by god I have myself!
So here it is folks, I am putting it on the line. I have 40kg to lose, and if I think about it - it is too big a mountain to climb, so I am breaking it down. Aim one is to get back to 5% lost - so I can regain some self respect! Aim two is to fit into the size 18/20 jeans I now have hanging on my wardrobe. That is it, that is how I roll, I am putting my blinkers on and breaking the journey down into achievable and manageable goals.
I am finding that dream…..
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